Unless you are headed to Target, because that is all they sell.
The last stop in '89(ish) is a literal favorite.
This is one of those gifts that you think only comes around once IN a lifetime.
Well, this one came around ON Lifetime.
Betty. Freaking. Broderick.
I first found this movie on Lifetime back when Lifetime movies weren't all about a secret blind prince who falls in love with an organic dryer sheet artist/orphan from a small-town in Vermont. Back when Lifetime had movies about murderous cheerleaders and socialites; scandals in politics and bake sales; indiscretions amongst a group of pet allergists. You know, GOOD material. Titles like Mother May I Sleep With Danger? Or something like Straight A's to XXX. And the always popular Newlywed, Now Dead.
It used to be so good and it was movies like this: A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story that not only had every salacious point checked, but it was a true, ripped from the headlines, story. Take that, blind prince.
I vividly remember watching this movie for the first time. It was a rainy, cold day in the fall and I snuggled into my Mom's bed to watch from the very beginning. I don't know. It could have been a beautiful 75-degree day with kids flying kites up and down my street. I was into Lifetime movies and I will not apologize.
What initially caught my eye was that the main character, Betty, was played by Meredith Baxter Birney. AKA Elise Keaton from Family Ties. I thought she was an AMAZING TV Mom. She was smart, funny, pretty, professional and if she was good enough for Alex P, she would be just fine for me. Little did I know at the time, this was to be Meredith Baxter Birney's "break out" role. The role where no one would accuse her of being Elise Keaton, former flower child.
She nailed it.
A perfect homage to the 80's narcissism and sense of excess. Betty had it all; the perfect house, the cars, adorable kids, money, vacations, all that big clunky 80's jewelry, her feathered blonde hair was an exact accent to the flipped collar of her Ralph Lauren ponte polo shirts.
Betty also had FULL crazy.
If you don't know the story, it's a doozie. Betty meets her future husband, Dan, while he is in medical school at Columbia. They fall in love, get married and 4 kids later, Dan decides that medicine isn't for him. So, he decides to got to Harvard (heard of it?) to pursue his true passion, medicine. Betty never bats an eye. She supports Dan's dream through poverty, food stamps, crippling student loan debit and selling Tupperware. Yes, she sold Tupperware. Door to damn door.
No spoilers, but when Dan finally becomes a Doctor/Lawyer, Betty gets all that is coming to her and never has to sell a burp lid again. Tiny spoiler, Dan leaves Betty for his secretary who looks exactly like Betty... 20-years-ago Betty.
Dan Broderick was a pure garbage human. Even a young Katie could see that. And I took a vow when I saw him that if I ever married a man who went to Columbia medical school and then decided he hated it and wanted to go to Harvard law and we had kids and I had to support him and then he left me for someone who looked like me when I was in my prime, I would shoot him too.
Crap. I said I wasn't going to spoil it.
This movie STUCK with me. I had very real feelings about this movie. First of all, ELISE KEATON would never. Dan was played by Stephen... Stephen something. He was also the Dad on Seventh Heaven who just got in trouble for touching kids, so you see why he is so inherently hatable. Even at a young age, I kind of felt sorry for Betty. I saw my Mom stay home with us while my Dad was working his tail off to make sure we were flush in clothes from The Limited and Nintendo 64 games. Was my Mom going to kill my Dad? Was she going to drive a Suburban into his house? Was she going to tell me and my brother that we were going to Disneyland, but instead, take us to our Dad's and drop us off and call the cops on my Dad???? (She didn't.)
I had ZERO business watching this movie at a young age. But again, the 80's.
I would catch up with Betty whenever she was on Lifetime on those hungover Saturday's in college. Or, when I found out I could watch it on YouTube while I was on maternity leave. Pro tip: If you are already hormonal and *kind* of mad at your husband because you are home with an infant all day, DO NOT watch A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story.
I could probably rent a theater and charge you all admission to watch me perform this as a one woman show I know it so well.
And just when I think I only have room for one crazy Betty in my life...
Yes. Yes. Betty is Back!!
This time, with an upgrade.
Betty was no longer a Baxter Birney, she was an Amanda Peet. Who, the only thing I like about is that she plays AWFUL really well. (I am mostly just jealous that she is married to David Benoiff, the head writer from Game of Thrones. I just want a spouse who will talk about GOT with me.) Amanda Peet is a chronic overactor and for Betty, you need that.
Oh, and Christian Slater?
Don't mind if I do. Hell yes, Christian Slater. I mean, if we are doing a late 80's/early 90's reboot, I think legally, you HAVE to include Christian Slater.
In a pandemic, and NTI and work-from-home and constant toilet paper math, this was a real breath of fresh.
It was as good if not better than the original.
I know. I can't believe I am saying it either.
This show was incredible. If you miss things like wall phones, answering machines and track suits, you will get your money's worth. If you love crazy 80's ladies in Guess jeans, you will hit the jackpot. I loved that USA brought it into the modern age and shined a little more light on what we know about mental health. I don't know if Betty was ever diagnosed with anything other than betrayal. But even with that, I get it. Heartbreak hurts no matter what decade it is. I am sure some southern belle in a hoop skirt chased after an ex-boyfriend with a musket because he wrote letters to her friend from the Civil War battle lines.
Tale as old as time.
I mean, I once told an ex-boyfriend that I was moving to Chicago to see if that would scare him so much he would want me back.
He didn't.
If you have ever been betrayed by a man, this is the show for you. Because no matter what you did (rebound boyfriend, stalking, fake move to Chicago) you will NEVER be as crazy as Betty Broderick.
I also want a bunch more people to watch it because I WANT TO TALK ABOUT BETTY.
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