Don't Hate the Blogger. Hate the Gram.

Blogging, like most things in my life, I quit RIGHT before things got good. 

Like leaving a party in high school right before my crush showed up or being NOT the 8^thcaller to win NSync tickets. I guess I just fly too close to the sun. 

But back in the early days of blogging, it was life. I woke-up every morning and hit the bookmarks on my computer to get my daily dose of all things blog. The ins and outs of people I didn’t know was I drug and I was addicted. 

I loved the boring celebrity of it all. The idea that someone I don’t know was writing about taking her kids to the dentist and I, for days, couldn’t stop thinking about the super cute shoes she was wearing while at the dentist.  There were real, honest stories about motherhood, being a wife, trying times and less than perfect kiddos.  I never heard their voices except through their writing and they were completely anonymous best friends. 

Even better was, anyone could have a blog. No, really. Al Gore invented the internet for everyone. The Blogosphere was full of burgeoning Penn Faulkner award winners. No topic was off limits and NO topic was too boring. I followed one blog that was just dedicated to this girl’s love for her husband. She basically wrote him love letters in a blog every day. It was awful and I couldn’t stop reading it. I had different bloggers for different things: food bloggers, fashion bloggers, mommy bloggers, décor bloggers, funny bloggers, and a weird subset of people who were blogging about the weird stuff I like, but don’t tell anyone I like. Basically, the entire TLC channel line-up, but in blog.  Blogging wasn’t just a gigantic waste of time, it was educational. I learned all about eyebrow tinting and that cauliflower can be anything! 

Not long after my blog love affair reached full throttle, I came to learn that many of these acclaimed authors were getting paid to do this… like quit your day job, paid.  I could be a famous blogger AND a stay-at-home mom! I could have it all!!!

And then, came the links. 

The hyper links, the affiliate links, the apps and the swipe ups. 

The Gram. 

And just like that, we had no attention span for blogs anymore. 

Those same bloggers I idolized were now literally in my hand on Instagram “Just jumping on“ to tell me about 40% off at Anthropologie. I don’t care about Anthropologie; what happened at the dentist, Ashley??? Is Kevin getting braces or not?!?!?  Did your insurance cover it? 

Where was the day-to-day? Where was the monotony of it all? I was missing the stories and the situations and the honesty. Everything got REALLY filtered and fake and I started falling for tricks like this:

“Hey y’all! Just popping on… I know I’ve been quiet lately. My sweet, 102-year-old Nana just died and I am back in my childhood home for her funeral with all my family and it has been so nice… also, I have gotten a lot of questions on this black dress I wore to the funeral. It is 50% today as part of the Nordstrom sale and you can swipe up. I am wearing an extra small. 

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers…”

And I HATED it. I hated that the kinship and emotion I would feel for these bloggers was reduced to clicks and LiketoKnowIt ROI. I also hated I was still working a regular job and not in on that since I, too, had been blogging forever. Where had all the honesty gone? We had gone from daily dental appointments and drive-thru Chic-fil-A to a whole world of deception and optics. I don’t want to see your kids in a perfect light; I want to see them for the mess they are so that I know if my kid is normal or not. 

So, in a solemn vow, I promise to:

A.    Never have swipe ups. 

B.    Never link products.

C.    Never reference “a bunch of questions” that clearly no one asked.

This blog has been and always will be just whatever hits the keyboard that day. Do you want to know where my outfit is from? Old Navy and Chi Omega in the late 90’s. 

Yes, the game has changed, but I like the old game. And that is what I want to play. 

All this to say that should someone come offer me money for this blog, all these bets are off.

You get it. 

It's All Back: Full House, Tie Dye and My Blog

Well guys, here it is. 

Straight out of a museum with Washington’s wooden teeth, that well Baby Jessica fell down and all the dogs the Baha Men let out. It’s my blog. 

Kind of. Different name…different format…same aggressive use of commas and reckless abandon of MLA standards. 

If you are new around here, welcome, and also I used to have a blog. It was called Simply Sanderson and I started it when I began staying at home with Sweet B in 2011. Don’t look for it on the Internet because I scrubbed that mess CSI style.  What I thought were the true hilarious styling of Judy Blume or Tina Fey was probably more like the beginning discovery for a criminal case or psychology class on a “new mother and her desperate need for adult interaction. “

Whatever it was, it was mine. And it was an outlet for me to discuss everything from the Royal family to the Manson family to my own family. None of which were mutually exclusive. I was dedicated to the blog; I dreamed in blog. I began sourcing material every minute of every day. And I was super lucky that a handful of people really enjoyed it. And told me that regularly. Friends and family and strangers would say “You should write a blog about this!” or “Seriously, if you blog about this, I will get lawyers involved.” No one ever threatened legal action. But plenty could/should have.  

It was an outlet. It was a way to keep distant family and friends in the loop with all the comings and goings of the Simple Sandersons. It was a baby book for Sweet B and it was A LOT OF FREAKING WORK.  

And then it stopped. 

We had moved to Phoenix and I wasn’t living my same blog-worthy life anymore. I was barely getting out of bed. It suddenly felt really inappropriate that I would blog about the Oscar fashion when I, myself, was living an existence where swimming counted as bathing. I was miserable and I was lost and hated every single person with a blog. Including myself. 

That got dark faster than I anticipated. 

Anyway, I never stopped thinking in blog or writing posts in my head or giving everything in my life a clever title. I took a break and wrote for a magazine for a while. I wrote LOTS of obituaries, which was great for my depression. Then I got into some weird poetry that I have since burned. I even wrote several speeches for  Rodeo Queens. No, really.  Blogging was over.

But last Spring, my best friend from high school was in town and we met for a brunch date that turned into a weird day where I had to get an Uber at 3:30. PM.

This is the kind of friend who has always been a straight shooter. She has said all of the following:  “I just don’t think that is the right sweater for you. Or maybe anyone.” And “If Darwinism ever resurges, she is the first to go.” Or the oldie “I mean, if you don’t ask him to homecoming, Make-A-Wish is going to have to get him a date.” She’s practically perfect in every way. 

She is at the top of her game in every aspect of her life. So I was completely unprepared when she came at me with this: 

“What are you SO busy doing that you can’t get that blog back up and running?”

WHAT?? How dare you. Wow. Okay. Hard truths. 

I mean, just off the top-of-my-head…

1.    I was waiting to see if they were going to make Night at the Museum 4.

2.    I devoted a lot of time to reading about Marie Kondo and no time implementing her strategies. 

3.    I found some jeans from high school that fit and I spent a lot of time trying to get people to notice. 

4.    TWO-DAYS-IN-A-ROW I had irregular heartbeats. TWO. 

5.    Instagram. All day, every day.

6.    Even starting something like that makes me feel like I have to go the iStore. 

7.    ROYAL WEDDINGS

8.    I had to learn Instacart.

9.    Sister Wives moved to Flagstaff from Vegas and it almost killed me. 

10. One night I accidentally took an ambien and a dulcolax and, well…

She supported none of these reasons. 

She also wouldn’t let it go. I was like “Let’s get another mimosa and some cheese fries” and she was like” Let’s figure out your blog post calendar.”  

She was the push I needed. And, thanks to her inspiring words and some light to moderate bullying, here we are.  I hope to publish once a week. I hope to still be this creative. I hope I can remember all my blogger logins. 

I missed this blog and hope you did too.  I missed her like that old sorority sister that makes you think, “Gosh, I like her. I don’t know why I don’t spend more time with her. “And then I will get on a tear of reallycrappy posts and you’ll be like “Oh, right. Because she’s the worst.”