Framing Britney Spears has been on a running loop at my house since it's debut last Friday night. Well done, New York Times. Chef's kiss. Was it long enough? No. Like I have mentioned to some of you: Michael Jordan got 10-episodes, Tiger got a 2-parter, we have had 9,000 seasons of Survivor and I can only assume I will be the next Bachelorette since everyone else has had a turn. To tell this story in an hour was egregious. This is like if Breaking Bad had been on Tik Tok.
So many thoughts, emotions, grievances and apologies arise when talking about this QUEEN. This will be a long one. I hope you bought Cheetos and Pepsi from a gas station you went in while wearing Sofie shorts and no shoes. We are in it now.
There is no opening paragraph for this icon, so let's do bullet points instead. My Britney highlights, as it were:
- I have been with Brit since (almost) the very beginning. The New Mickey Mouse Club debuted when I was in middle school and I was OBSESSED. Sure the 1992 Olympic Basketball Dream Team was good, but they had nothing on this crop of talented new Mouseketeers. I'm talking about Keri Russell (with the good hair), Christina Aguilera, Tony Lucca (a celebrity crush I will die on the cross for) JC Chasez, Ryan "The Notebook" Gosling, obviously my girl, Britney and some other later boy bander who is, as of this documentary, dead to me. I loved Britney even then. She was (despite her later project,Crossroads) a pretty great comedic actress. She could sing, she could act and boy she could dance. And to a person who couldn't master the Roger Rabbit, that was something to see. (Quick side bar, there may/may not be a forthcoming blog post on my attempting to try out for this exact program around this exact time. )
- I lost track of Brit Brit for a while. And when Baby One More Time came out, I was gobsmacked to learn that this was the sweet little Mousketeer who always played the annoying, younger sister in skits. Here she was; all grown-up, showcasing those incredible dance moves and some Scorcese bubble gum bubble work. Only now, she was not only pulling off the acting, singing and dancing trifecta, she had added a whole new layer of skills that I could not even imagine to pull-off; pig tails, crop tops and abs.
- Britney was a Southern girl and completely unashamed. And she was good South from Louisiana; not like more of that Florida mega mall trash. I didn't mind that she was always saying "Y'all" or talking about her "Mama 'n Daddy" through a mouth full of gum. She was homespun in the BEST way. I knew girls like Britney. Not rich or famous, but otherwise alike.
- Even better are the family names; her Mom in interviews would always be referring to her as Britney Jean. And the fact that her sister, Jamie Lynn, is named for both their Mom and Dad is a southern work of art. And that it took them until their 3rd kid to pull that is just fantastic. When I think of Louisiana, I think Gator Parks, trashy names, then Mardi Gras. In that order.
- The amount of time I spent watching her on MTV is probably the exact amount of time it would have taken me to get a doctorate. She was ALWAYS on with Carson Daly and you absolutely NEVER knew what she was going to be doing. Or what she was going to be wearing. My God, the fa-shun!!!! Leather pants, crop tops, corset tops, chokers, platform boots, ET freaking AL!!!! Not since Cher Horowitz had someone made school girl fashion seem so appealing. (I wore a navy poly blend skirt with a sweater made of navy needles, razor blades and shards of glass every single day of the school year and even I was like "That school girl look is CUTE." ) Whether she was debuting a video or just mingling with the crowd, Brit on TRL was appointment viewing.
- The absolute showmanship. WOW. First, she's a school girl. Then she is dancing with a boa constrictor on live TV. That's not enough so she menag a trois-ed former Mouseketeer Christina and MADONNA. Sees that and raises us an entire CIRCUS. Oh, do you like red latex on the moon? We have that, too. Misplaced Titanic reference? Listen closely. Want to see what air travel would look like if it were run by Hugh Hefner? Here is a video. Ever seen a body stocking with a billion dollars worth of strategically placed crystals? It's here. In this Britney video. Every. Single. Time. GOLD.
- On a whim (or dare, who can know for sure) she marries a guy from her high school. Arguably the most famous person in the world, at that time, she marries some hick (I mean that in the nicest way possible) from her hometown. And has it annulled 72-hours later. THAT should have been the plot of The Hangover.
- Again, the fashion. Was it ever good? Maybe? For me, a girl who had recently had a break-up so hard she was able to really fit into low-rise jeans, I appreciated that look for a time. It wasn't street fashion, it was pop star fashion and it was amazing.
- I went to Vegas for the first time on a surprise trip for my 30th. Right around the same time Womanizer came out. Every single place in Vegas had that on a loop and it was exactly the Vegas experience everyone should have.
- If I could locate and hook-up our old TiVo, you would find Britney and Kevin:Chaotic. Now I have to watch it on YouTube like I live in a 3rd world country.
- When Britney came out shilling Zantrex-3 diet pills, I bought them in bulk. Did I lose weight while I was taking them? I can't remember. Did I have to get an EKG because of some irregular heartbeats while I was taking them? Most definitely. **Remember, this is not a health and fitness blog.**
- I fought HARD and negotiated 3 Britney songs be played at each of our various wedding events.
- When I got seriously committed to working-out again a few years ago, I had Work as the first and last song on my playlist. Not only is it an ANTHEM for cardio, it asks all the hard-hitting questions: Do you want a hot body? YES. Do you want a Maserati? YES. Look hot in a bikini? THAT' WHY I AM WORKING OUT!! Party in France? OK, BUT WHERE? (Maybe. Depends on what part and who will be there. See my blog about my visit to Paris. Not the biggest fan.) If you play that song to this day, it is the only way I can do a burpee.
- In the speech I gave at my brother's rehearsal dinner, I mentioned Britney Spears in the opening line. It killed.
- Her character on Will and Grace, that Alt-Right, Christian Conservative megalomaniac is one of my favorite in the history of television. And Brit killed it. Reese could never...
- Two words: Denim Dress.
Whew. Stil with me?
That isn't even all of it.
But my life was changing; I was getting married and having kid and frankly, she became hard to watch. The Kevin years were rough for me. Kevin is the kind of person that I feel smells TERRIBLE. Like a mixture of body odor, off-brand cigarettes covered by the least popular selling AXE product, maybe a hint of menthol? And fried food from the pool hall where he was playing air hockey (because he doesn't know how to play pool) and throwing back Bud Heavy. He was so disgusting to look at and it was clear, he had ulterior motives.
And then the babies came, literally, back to back. Those kids are born a year and two days apart. Math and Science are really hard for me, since I am a girl, but is that even possible? There is no way to know.
My own Queen B arrived around the same time Brit really lost it. There she was driving with a baby on her lap... another time she tripped in her Candies wedges and her American Eagle cut-off shorts and almost dropped the other one. Culturally, we had to accept names like Sean Preston and Jayden James. I was at home with a new baby girl and watching this not a girl, not yet a woman (you get it) struggle with what we now know was postpartum. On top of salacious paparazzi, unbridled fame and an interfering support system. Trust when I say that if someone had come after me in any way a year or two postpartum, Id' have been looking for an umbrella and clippers, too. The life of a new mother is hard. I can only imagine how hard it was in her shoes.
For me, it was too painful to watch. She really didn't have any new music in the works and I had transitioned to talk radio and a botched attempt at Rosetta Stone. When we lived in Phoenix, she was in residence in Vegas, which is like a 2-minute flight from Phoenix. A couple of girlfriends asked me to go and I turned it down. At the time, I was afraid I was going to be let down. Like I wasn't going to see the Britney I had known and loved for all those years. I didn't want to see Paul McCartney with Wings. I wanted to see Sir Paul McCartney.
Other than putting her music on some workout playlists, I had abandoned her. At maybe the exact moment everyone else did. I quit reading the tabloids about her, I did not engage with her on any level except historically. Only last year did I start following her on Instagram. She came up in my "People You May Know" algorithm and I thought "Hey, I do know her." Clicked follow and began to watch...well, I don't know what I am watching. But I cannot and will not stop.
Cut to, the documentary.
So many of you (three) have asked my opinions and thoughts on Framing Britney Spears. Is it good? Is it bad? Should I watch?
Yes. Yes to all of those things.
She was perfect and we ruined her. Watching all that old footage from the TRL days, I was reliving part of my youth. I had seen those interviews with Diane Sawyer and Rosie O'Donnell. I can NEVER unsee that purple top, unbrushed hair and smacking gum from the Matt Lauer interview. But at the time, I didn't realize just how AWFUL that line of questioning was. All of the emphasis on sex, her body, her virginity and just the bloodlust some people had to see her fail was appalling. As the mother of a daughter who is only a year older than Britney was when she got started, I would put my hands on someone if they spoke to my child in that way.
While I am not known for dramatics, I got teary eyed.
Whatever her life is now, it isn't hers. And it isn't great. If my Dad managed my money, OH MY WORD! I would be spending nothing! It would all be in savings or stocks or real estate holdings... wait, should my Dad be managing my money?
The documentary triggered me. It took me back to a really fun time in my life. But also shone a light on how abhorrent those times were for women. It broke the glass on a lot of memories; like finding out your parents can't do math in their heads.
I cleaned out my closet to clear my head to the anthem of Brit's greatest hits; each one more nostalgic than the next. I texted memories with friends who had also watched the documentary. I got more emotional and made JD re-watch it with me while I provided running commentary about where I was in my life at that same time or how that song/event effected my life while screaming "Put your phone down and pay attention to me and Britney!!!" The man is a saint.
And then, just like Brit, I took it too far. I saw B mouthing the words to Toxic and asked "Have you ever seen that video? " And then after explaining what a video was, I pulled it up on YouTube and began to show it to her.
A decision I IMMEDIATELY regretted. There was the crystal body stocking, the Hugh Hefner airline and the implied mile-high club scene in the lavatory. We barely got to that when I remembered how incredibly inappropriate all her videos were. As I fumbled to turn it off, I was shouting "Yeah, yeah, yeah, more of the same.The lyrics are all the same after that, so if you've seen a minute, thirty, you've seen it all."
The Britney years are still there with me... just a little more faint than before. Signing the permission slip for B to be able to participate in the "Boys in one room, Girls in another" part of science this year, I began to reflexively hum I'm Not a Girl... And, sometimes, when I get the keypad right and get in my house on the first try, I instinctively sing "She's so lucky...she's a star"
I am proud of my love for Britney. She holds a place in my Musical Hall of Fame next to greats like Kim Carnes, Debbie Gibson, Patsy Cline, Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton, Aretha and Janet Miss Jackson (if you're nasty.)I will still sing her songs at the top of my lungs. I will still (in a few years) introduce my daughter to her entire library of work. I will continue to pray she gets back on stage- anywhere, a Cajun Fest in Louisiana- so that B and I can go and share that experience. I want her to be happy, healthy, doing what she loves and in charge of her own life.
What I, emphatically, DO NOT EVER WANT TO SEE, in my life is a lower third tag in a documentary or news program that says:
Bee Sanderson
#freebritney activist
If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend watching.
And then text me after. BECAUSE I REALLY WANNA TALK ABOUT BRITNEY!!!!!
